We don’t tend to use the word ‘quit’ because Carly might decide to quit things. She already exhibits cursory labor: eyeballing rather than investigating, giving up easily in a guessing game or hide-and-seek, etc. If I had said, “Carly, today I quit my job,” I might have implied something other than two plus years of dropping her off and picking her up, sandwiching the torment of denying my true self.

Drop Carly at school.

Repeat after me: You are stupid. You do not have good ideas. Nobody wants to be creative with you. Don’t have any emotions. Don’t give your opinion. Keep to yourself. You are worthless.

Pick Carly up. (And I was very good about leaving that middle bit where it subsisted during 9 to 5 business hours.)

When Jim and I decided that it was okay for me to pursue other opportunities, I spent one sleepless night watching Carly sleep. Yes, she’s alright. Reading. Loves her friends. The occasional temper tantrum. Then, I went to work as normal but didn’t concentrate on my mantra. Instead, I resigned with two weeks notice.

Later, I picked Carly up from school, as normal…though less so. “Carly,” I said. “Today I decided to leave my job. You know how you are happy at school all day? Well, I want to be happy at work all day too.”

She was eating a snack and there came a response of aggressive chewing. Then, like a little fairy opera singer, she sang, “Then that’s what you should do. You should be happy at work.” And the ‘do’ went up in pitch, and the words were punched out like merry notes from a flute. My four year-old: the sage of Venora.

This was a true delight to me. I had been worried she might understand the implications of my quitting my job to be that she would have to leave school, give up her friends, and spend her days with me doing house chores and reading long books with no pictures… But she genuinely wants mommy to be happy. I shed a gooey tear.

“I’m really lucky to be your mom,” I told her.

Again, the chewing, but this time truncated by a ‘hmm.’ “I know,” she said. “I’m really smart. I can read and I’m really smart.”

(Selflessness in moderation.)